1 July 2016
Dear Mr Patterson or heirs,
This is an automated informational letter, no response is necessary.
Your death has been reported.
| Report submitted: | 30/6/2016 23:47 |
| Full Name: | Patterson, Jeremy Lewis |
| Date of birth: | 12/6/1983 |
| NIR #: | 24-1348-JLP-19830612-M |
| Date of death: | 2/7/2016 |
| Place of death: | All Saints Church, Brightlingsea, Essex, CO7 0QT |
| Cause of death: | Other (Nished as a Pewt, Tying the Knot). |
If case of error please contact the nearest identity status processing centre (see http://www.nir.gov.uk/offices/ispc/ to locate the centre closest to you) in the next five (5) working days with your ID card and valid doctor's certificate. For security reasons we have notified your banks, employer of record and all government agencies of your death.
4 July 2016
Dear Mr Patterson,
Your recent update to the National Identity Registry was rejected due to conflict with previous status.
On 30/6/2016 we were notified of your death on 2/7/2016.
On 4/7/2016 we received the erroneous notification that you
Note that due to ID fraud issues, death is an irrevocable act, attempting to update the records of a dead person is a crime under section 3 of the National Identity Act 2012. Contact the nearest identity status processing centre (see http://www.nir.gov.uk/offices/ispc/ to locate the centre closest to you) for rectification.
4 July 2016
Dear Ms Woods,
Your recent update to the National Identity Registry was rejected due to its illegal nature.
On 4/7/2016 we received the erroneous notification that you
The person whom you claim to have married (Patterson, Jeremy Lewis D.O.B 12/6/1983 NIR 24-1348-JLP-19830612-M) on 3/7/2016 was reported as deceased on 2/7/2016 and it is impossible to marry a corpse.
We understand that mistakes do occur and we look forward to your prompt rectification of this error. You are reminded that due to ID fraud issues, attempting to modify a relationship with a deceased person is a crime under section 3 of the National Identity Act 2012. Failure to contact the nearest identity status processing centre (see http://www.nir.gov.uk/offices/ispc/ to locate the centre closest to you) within five (5) working days of receipt of this notice may result in criminal proceedings against you.
Hi Jez (& Helen),
Thanks for a fab wedding. It was a genuine pleasure to see you married off, and not just because now I'm sure you won't be trying to pick up Fi. And Helen, if he does, you just show him whose boss OK!
Hope the Orkney's weren't too foul. God knows why you went there for a honeymoon anyway, still I guess you two didn't pay much attention to the weather so it probably didn't matter - must be those maternal scottish genes? Fiona and I wasted tons on that Seychelles resort for ours, we barely stirred out of the room, let alone used the "two Tiger Woods designed golf courses" or took the free reef diving course or anything else.
Give us a bell when you're back and we'll invite you round for dinner one evening - maybe once you've got the wedding photos?
Kev
PS Got a weird letter from your bank asking about your will and any heirs. Married life isn't so bad you're planning on topping yourself are you?
21 July 2016
Dear Mr Simmons
re: Death of Patterson, Jeremy Lewis D.O.B 12/6/1983 NIR 24-1348-JLP-19830612-M
Your explanation for the supposedly falsely reported death of your former client Mr Patterson has been noted.
We must bring to your attention the fact that the death report was incompletely filled with the following fields either omitted or invalid:
| NHS practitioner name | There is no Dr Death on the registry |
| NHS practitioner ID | 666 is not a valid ID |
| Death certificate number | Omitted |
| Location of death | No Gallileo certified longitude/latitude supplied for "All Saints Church, Brightlingsea, Essex, CO7 0QT" |
| Disposition of Corpse | Omitted |
Before we can proceed with the process of reversing this allegedly false report it must be correctly completed, please provide these details as quickly as possible. You are reminded that under section 4 of the National Identity Act 2012 it is an offence for a duly authorised professional to fail to provide these details in an accurate and timely manner.
22 July 2016
Dear Mr Simmons, Mr & Mrs Patterson
re: Death of Patterson, Jeremy Lewis D.O.B 12/6/1983 NIR 24-1348-JLP-19830612-M
As designated executors of the deceased you are responsible for the burial or cremation of his corpse. To date no registered undertaker has notified the NIR that they are preparing the corpse and no final resting place has been designated. You are reminded that under the EU Health & Safety Regulations enacted as the Revised Health and Safety of Persons Act 2011 section 51 (Mortuaries, Undertakers, Funeral Homes and Graveyards) it is an offence for a corpse to be handled in an unhygienic manner, that is to say by anyone other than the certified employees of a registered institution, and an offence for the location of a corpse to remain unreported for greater than 48 hours.
We understand that the death of a loved one may be a traumatic event and hence we do not attempt to enforce the law to the letter, however Mr Patterson has been dead for three weeks. Please report immediately on the current location of the corpse and its designated final resting spot.
Fraud and Identity Theft Prevention Division
25 July 2016
Dear Ms Woods
re: ID fraud case
200160705-HRW. Alleged fraudulent marriage of
Woods, Helen Rachel D.O.B 4/2/1985 NIR
25-7821-HRW-19850402-F
Patterson, Jeremy Lewis D.O.B 12/6/1983
NIR 24-1348-JLP-19830612-M
Due to an oversight in our records processing your alleged husband's ID card was not invalidated at death, thus permitting you to falsely submit it at your "marriage". This oversight has now been corrected. [yes indeed it has - my ID card now causes readers to light up with big "INVALID" signs and flashing LEDs] The fact that your marriage certificate was correctly digitally signed by two ID cards does not make it a legally recognised marriage, nor is the NIR interested in photographic "evidence" that may be faked by anyone. Until your "husband" has been correctly identified and registered you remain legally single and a new marriage certificate digitally signed with his valid ID card will be required to change this. A copy of this letter and background case documentation has been passed to HM Inland Revenue and Customs to assist them with any investigation of attempted tax evasion they may wish to undertake.
Note you are ineligible for any state benefits or pensions such as widow's benefits and will remain ineligible while this investigation proceeds.
Eastern Electricity - an EDF company
1 August 2016
Dear Ms Woods,
Our direct debit for the amount of £53.16 from your account was refused. Please contact our customer service representative on 0870-402-295* to arrange for an alternative payment method. If you are unable to pay then our customer service representatives will be able to guide you through an application for Housing Assistance benefits from the DSS and may at their discretion schedule a visit to install a pre-pay meter.
*Calls charged at £0.79/minute
Douglas Carswell
MP for Harwich & North Essex
Houses of Parliament, Westminster
2 August 2016
Dear Mr and Mrs Patterson,
I have read with alarm your story about Mr Patterson's official "death" and the subsequent bureaucratic nightmare that you have found yourselves in. I consider this to be a disgraceful example of the nanny state run wild, and, as you may have heard, I have raised this matter in a written question to the Home Office and as the subject of an early day motion to be debated as soon as the House resumes business after the summer.
I appreciate that neither of these steps will provide immediate assistance, however I have also had private words with Sir James Browne, the Chief Undersecretary at the Home Office responsible for the NIR, and I trust that he will ensure that the NIR takes steps to resolve your status. Unfortunately he reminded me that many of the NIR staff take their holidays in August (as will I for two weeks August 6th-20th) so there may be more delay than one would wish. Should you encounter further problems please do not hesitate to contact my office in my absence as they are fully briefed on this affair.
4 August 2016
Dear Mr Patterson
re: Erroneous Report of Death of Patterson, Jeremy Lewis D.O.B 12/6/1983 NIR 24-1348-JLP-19830612-M
This correspondence is to confirm in writing our recent verbal discussion. Firstly may I repeat my apology for the failure of our processing staff and procedures to catch what should have been an obviously fake report and for the consequences of that failure.
As agreed, we request that you come to the Colchester Identity Status Processing Centre (Colne Harbour) at 10:00 on Monday August 8th to have your identity fully regularized.
You will be issued with a new ID card and number which will then allow you to officially marry and to re-activate all your accounts. In the event that your partner accompanies you to the Colchester ISPC appointment your marriage may be registered and associated changes of name and address noted at the same time.
Finally I have personally confirmed that all current investigations for fraud or false reporting regarding this case have been closed with notations to the effect that they were caused by clerical errors at NIR.
Fraud and Identity Theft Prevention Division
9 August 2016
Dear Mr Patterson
re: Creation of new registry entry and issue of ID Card for Patterson, Jeremy Lewis D.O.B 12/6/1983 NIR 64-1378-JLP-20160808-M
The fraud and identity theft prevention division has been notified about a number of suspicious entries on this registry entry. Your registry entry and associated ID card has been temporarily deactivated while our investigation proceeds. Please contact the nearest identity status processing centre (see http://www.nir.gov.uk/offices/ispc/ to locate the centre closest to you) for rectification.
The following items are considered suspicious:
For security reasons we have notified your banks, employer of record and all government agencies of the temporary deactivation of this registry entry.
Fraud and Identity Theft Prevention Division
10 August 2016
Dear Mr Patterson
re: Creation of new registry entry and issue of ID Card for Patterson, Jeremy Lewis D.O.B 12/6/1983 NIR 64-1378-JLP-20160808-M
We apologise for the previous letter stating that your registry entry had been deactivated because of suspicious entries. We have investigated the conditions surrounding its creation and are pleased to inform you that the previous letter and the deactivation of your registry entry was the result of an automated validation scheme that has been overruled. Your entry has been reactivated and we apologise for any inconvenience this may have caused you.
Fraud and Identity Theft Prevention Division
12 August 2016
Dear Mr Patterson
re: NIR Identity Status Processing Centre Colchester (Colne Harbour)
Due to suspicious activities surrounding the processing of a number of related identity status changes at the Colchester (Colne Harbour) ISPC earlier this week (August 8th - 12th) all updates performed by this office during this period have been marked as questionable pending investigation. This is a routine measure and you are being informed since you are one of the people who made identity status changes at the Colchester (Colne Harbour) ISPC during this period: There is no cause for alarm however you are advised that until the investigation is complete no changes made during this period will be recognised.
16 August 2016
Dear Mr Patterson
re: Erroneous
Report of Death of Patterson, Jeremy
Lewis D.O.B 12/6/1983 NIR 24-1348-JLP-19830612-M
Creation of new registry entry and issue of
ID Card
for Patterson, Jeremy Lewis D.O.B 12/6/1983 NIR 64-1378-JLP-20160808-M
This correspondence is to confirm in writing our recent verbal discussion and to update it. Firstly may I repeat my apology for the failure of our fraud prevention division to realise that they had a flagged a false positive and for the consequences of that failure. As I explained the second suspension was due to the over zealousness of one of our fraud prevention algorithms which identified that the Colchester ISPC was behaving suspiciously. In the past we have seen that fraudsters have attempted to re-enter changes to records that they had recently updated and hence when the Colchester ISPC attempted to reenter your updates this activity was seen as suspicious.
It was intended that the FITPD would override this false positive and I am pleased to say that this is the case with regards to all other updates that were marked as questionable such as your wife's change of name. However I regret to report that we have now encountered a problem with your records, and your marriage, due to our earlier attempt to rectify the situation before issuing you with your new NIR number. As the initial marriage report and associated change of address was correctly signed by your original ID card, we had first attempted to simply delete the erroneous death report. Unfortunately this was only partially successful, because we have discovered that it is impossible to reactivate a NIR entry that has been marked as dead for more than one calendar month, but it did result in your marriage to your wife being validated under your original NIR number. Thus when Colchester registered your marriage under your new NIR number it was rejected since your wife had not reported a divorce or becoming a widow and hence was guilty of bigamy. Subsequent attempts to correct things have fallen foul of different anti-fraud tests and we have reluctantly come to the conclusion that we cannot at present provide you with an active NIR entry or ID card.
We hope that after a short period of time we will be able to rectify this state of affairs, however, due to holidays, we are encountering a certain difficulty in tracking down the correct programmers and system architects to fix their anti-fraud logic. In the meantime we have ensured that all relevant institutions and government agencies have been informed that you are neither dead nor suspected of any crime and that hence your accounts should therefore remain active despite the fact that your NIR entry is marked as deactivated/suspended.
Should you encounter any problems with any third party before we are able to reactivate your NIR entry please request that they contact the NIR with reference to FITPD case 160816-01. Rest assured that this case is receiving our highest attention.
4 April 2017
Dear Mr Patterson
re: Birth of
Patterson, Rachel Susan DOB 2/42017 NIR
newly issued - NIR 65-6578-SHP-20160402
FITPD case 160816-01
Thank you for drawing attention to open FITPD case 160816-01. We are pleased to confirm that Rachel Susan Patterson has been issued with the NIR number shown above and that she has been registered as your daughter. We apologise most sincerely for our continued inability to rectify the problem with your records but rest assured that this case is receiving our highest attention.