23 February 2005 Blog Home : February 2005 : Permalink
Thank you for coming, everyone.
As you know, it's been over one year since I started this little slice of internet hell that promotes mindless consumerism, graft, and buying lots of plastic crap in big box stores. I have had a blast.
I want to show my loyal followers and my loyal haters my appreciation (for what would a President-for-Life be without dissident groups to draw more attention to her?). I'm going to stick with tradition--I need bribes.
Everyone in the blogosphere wants awards. Big deal. Who cares about an award and a banner you can put in your sidebar? I've got something better--power!
Look, I'm the President-for-Life, baby! I can award ministries. Ministries are great jobs to have in a dictatorship. They're pretty much no-show--although you do get a snazzy office with a nice cherry desk and an intern. You have a ready-made excuse if you want to get out of going to your Uncle Milt's tenth wedding--just tell them that you have Important Government Business to attend to. You can't draw a large salary (you don't actually draw a salary at all), but that's what bribes and graft are for. Not to mention taxes. Lots of taxes.
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I believe I would make an excellent Minister of Olive Oil, although I have one condition: I must insist that my desk be made from olive wood not cherry.
PS If you need diplomacy, I can get you a deal on olive branches and for this week only a special offer: one dove of peace (not piece of dove - I deny that categorically) is included with each olive branch.